Gwyneth Paltrow

I am Gwyneth Paltrow. So why do I hate her so much?

Let me clarify: I am not Gwyneth Paltrow; we just have a lot of things in common. And I don't necessarily hate her. BUT I do find her annoying. But why?

Here are possible reasons why I shouldn't dislike her, but inevitably do:

1. She looks like this:

I do not look like this. This is one thing Gwyneth and I do not have in common.

2. She has been in a number of wonderful films--my favorite being The Royal Tenenbaums. While I have never been in a Wes Anderson film personally, I would love to be. I was once an aspiring actress myself so that aspect of her career is a very small similarity.

3.  If there is one television show I could be on, it would be Glee. And Gwyneth, that skank, is going to be on there this week too! And not only is she going to be on there, she sounds decent and is singing two songs that I think are great. Boooooooo.

4. She is married to this guy:

While Mark looks nothing like Chris Martin, I find him equally as talented. Coldplay is also one of my favorite bands so Gwyneth has the same tastes as I do. She also likes Radiohead. We are one.

5. She runs a blog. I am writing on a blog right now. Her blog is obviously more successful, but I one day aspire to have such a blog...one that offers wonderful tidbits and advice for people's everyday lives.  She is all about living, as evidenced by this blog, and that is my mission in life. To live life to the absolute fullest.

So, again, I ask: Why can I absolutely not stand her? 

Let's just go with the obvious answer and call it a day...

Pure jealousy.

 

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

Or 4 words...like "Just saved my marriage."

Image demonstrating the many options available when selecting a mattress.

Mark and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Necessary/Desirable bed size is not one of them. Until this moment, we thought our options were queen or king. Thank you Wikipedia for, yet again, providing information in a split second. Information I would have had to search at least an extra 15-20 minutes for, or, possibly (dare I think it) never have found at all.

So thank you Wikipedia. And thank you "Olympic/Expanded Queen" and "California King" creators. You have saved my marriage...and thusly (this moment totally requires a thusly), my life.

PS--Little known fact: Because I thought there was no middle ground between a Queen and a King size mattress, I totally thought I would be the inventor/creator of one. I was going to call it the "Throne Taker" mattress. For those that want to usurp the crown, by any means necessary, for the sake of those who go unspoken for.

The tag would have had a very political, but utopian, statement...followed by the obligatory "DO NOT REMOVE." This is still a monarchy after all...