So I'm usually pretty upbeat on here... or at least I'd like to think so.
The point of Jellyfish Love is to write about things I love, not bitch and moan. Who wants to read a blog filled with complaints and diatribes?! If you wanted that, you'd call a friend or family member or go to a bar and listen to your bar-stool neighbors.
But, I have to talk about something that has been on my mind lately.
Recently, I have been feeling a little lost. I am 24 years old and I haven't the slightest idea what I want to do with myself. I've always considered myself a pretty confident and self-aware person, but due to recent events I am feeling more insecure and unsure than ever before. The smallest confrontation or questioning of my motives/opinions/decisions makes me feel like I am failing...like I have somehow transitioned from a good (who knows what I mean by that...) person into a person not worth a damn.
I thought, until tonight, that I was alone in these feelings; these feelings being loneliness, uncertainty, insecurity, listlessness, and a general feeling of being adrift. But, Mark and I were talking and he started expressing some of the same issues...though manifesting themselves in very different situations. And that's when it hit me...
Quarter-life crisis IS real.
That's right folks. QUARTER. LIFE. CRISIS.
Naturally, after having this revelation, I googled "Quarter Life Crisis." Of course there was a Wikipedia page, which I instinctively went to (as life has taught me that Wikipedia is the source that best sums up complicated--or uncomplicated--ideas/philosophies). Here is what Wikipedia says are the symptoms of quarter-life crisis:
- realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
- confronting their own mortality
- watching time slowly take its toll on their parents, only to realize they are next
- insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
- insecurity concerning ability to love themselves, let alone another person
- insecurity regarding present accomplishments
- re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
- lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
- disappointment with one's job
- nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
- tendency to hold stronger opinions
- boredom with social interactions
- loss of closeness to high school and college friends
- financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
- loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
- desire to have children
- a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself
- frustration with social skills
(Those that are emboldened are the ones that are especially pertinent to me.)
So what's the point in highlighting all these things and expressing how I feel? Well I suppose it's just to put a name to something. Like maybe if I name it, it will give it less power? Or maybe if I can tie myself and my feelings into a greater thing, a thing that is universal, then maybe it will assure me that this is just a phase. One day I will no longer be at the quarter point of my life and therefore this crisis is temporary. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. Let's just hope I get some rest before I reach midlife. I hear that's a doozy too.
Unrelated sidenote: I'm watching House and there is such a thing as "Broken Heart Syndrome" and it actually can cause physical reactions--even death. Remind me to remind myself to write about this in the future.
