The Passage: Chapters 4-9

I must begin this entry with a warning:

Do not read this book if you have ever read any fantasy/sci-fi/genre literature ever before.

I say this because I think a severe lack of knowledge in this arena is crucial. Evidence:  I am tolerating this book. Parker, however, is not.

I assume this is how Parker looks while reading The Passage although we are many miles apart:

Blond wig and all...

Now to the specifics, the review, if you will...

[This review will begin as a conversation had between Parker and I. This conversation actually happened (for realz) on Monday, October 18th on the wonder that is Gmail Chat. Prepare yourself for our chat-speak. I say 'haha' a lot. And yes, I actually laugh that much.]

1:30 PM me: i am actually AHEAD of our reading schedule!look at that!haha
 Rachel: damnim pretty behindimma try1:31 PMim slogging thru this guy whos name i cant remember.. the pedophile who watches the batmen
 me: ugh yeahgreyhis story is really not interesting1:32 PM has he puked yet?
 Rachel: none of their storeis are very interestingno me: oh
 Rachel: he's ruminating on his medication
 me: oh yeah..that part was slowi like amythat's about itand i hate richards so much that i enjoy reading the parts about him because it fuels my hate-firehaha
1:33 PM Rachel: who's richards?i .. know none of their names
 me: hahahe is like the head guy at the basereal prickwatches the camera footage...kind of head of operationshaha
 Rachel: right now all the male characters.. are the same person in my head
 me: haha1:34 PM i think wolgast and doyle are unique
 Rachel: i mean they are all the mind numbling dumb southern 45 year old. either military or ex con  me: all the guys at the base merge together thoughhahayeah
 Rachel: i hope something happens soon or im going to be like.. WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE
 me: i will say that the book got more interesting after chapter 10
 Rachel: library thing has incredibly mixed reviews

 me: page 183 i remember marking because it was where there was finally a point  {Pause. Let's ruminate on how much I really do say 'haha', made evident by just this small portion of our conversation. Also, we are pausing because this is where Parker and I had a conversational aside on cultural identity, race and music. Yep, we are interested in more than vampires and bad books. This conversation goes from about 1:35pm to 1:41pm. Back to our regularly scheduled program...} 

1:41 PMme: speaking of black people...i like carter too1:42 PM but he's designed for you to pity him and pity can manifest itself as likabilityhaha
1:43 PM Rachel: .. is carter a book character or a real person?   1:44 PMme: bookhaha
 Rachel: jesus.. im sorry. i honestly cant remember any of their namesi want them all to dieso the stupid black ex con as opposed to the stupid white pedophile1:45 PM oh god.. they are victims.. woe
 me: haha they probably will...if that's any consolationthat's why i like 6 year old amybecause under any normal circumstance she would be a victimbut i don't feel that way about her at allno pity or concernand perhaps that's because i know she's going to rise above in some way
 Rachel: i want to know why everyone in this novel has an iq of like.. 12
1:46 PM me: hahapaulson doesn'tthe book actually says 136hahahahaha
 Rachel: is paulson one of the emailers?
 me: paulson is probably just a minor character to you right now
 Rachel: we're supposed to take it for granted that he is smart b/c he can email
 me: he gets slightly biggerhaha
1:47 PM Rachel: i feel like this book got really good reviews bc when you read it you feel like the author is making profound grapes of wrath style commentary about american society
but you cant really figure it out so you say "oh it was brilliant"
whereas i feel like.. this book blows
and is boring
and not inventive at all
not even a little
 me: right now it is a pretty bad book...but i'm thinking that because it's so long, it's just taking longer to get to the point
 Rachel: that.. is not an excuse
 me: hahano it's not
 Rachel: go ask mark. he'll say that is no excuse.
 me: but it's my hopeful way of saying "please get better"
 Rachel: oh its long.. that means i have more room at the beginning to suck?now ay
 me: yeah. right now it does blow1:48 PM although i will say that i have definitely noticed i've picked up speed reading post page 150so maybe that's a sign
 Rachel: i mean.. people criticise tolkien (ok so he's a mastaer but just for comparisons sake.. which is prolly totally unfair) for his story being too much beginningbut ya kno wwhat.. the beginning is awesome. and who cares if its too long in the graph of the story
 me: well and he is telling the story of a whole culture, a whole historyhe has to set it up
 Rachel: ok
 me: and when its a large subject, it takes a while1:49 PM so tolkien has every reason behind a long beginning
 Rachel: good point, but if uh.. whatshisname who wrote the passage... is NOT world building as you claimwhy do i have a whole chapter devoted to telling me how highways cross?i mean jesus
 me: hahaha
 Rachel: wtf was with that chapter
 me: yeah1:50 PM like i said...the only possible explanation is that because he wrote such a long book, he felt the need to have a long beginning??hahaagain, this is what i'm hoping
 Rachel: I GET IT YOU GUYS ARE FLYING UNDER THE RADAR.. i dont particularly care how you plan your trip. it is IRRELEVANT DATA
 me: because the next 500 pages are going to be rough if they play out like the first 150
 Rachel: it doesnt help world building b/c youre in this world just in the future a little. so i get where arkansas is in relationship to mississippiits not like they moved
1:51 PM me: haha
 Rachel: at least you have pages. my kindle just tells me percentage read
 me: yeah. the only thing i can think of is that it's his fiction, not fantasy, background...and typically fiction has a lot more description?
 Rachel: and it is a piddly little percentage
 me: hahaha
  yeah
 Rachel: bullshitfantasy is nothing but description. tolkien spent 2 pages ON A LEAF
1:52 PM me: hahahabut that leaf mattered?
 Rachel: noit didntat allpeople hate that damn leaf
 me: haha so tolkien's leaf is to cronin's routeshaha
1:53 PM Rachel: not really. i dont find cronin to be a particularly beautiful or talented writerhe lists things
 me: yeah. and he has very cliche statements
 Rachel: and his author's voice is like.. flowers for algernon when he's retarded again
 me: that has been bothering me most
 Rachel: honestly its like.. old and tired
 me: is that when he has the opportunity to use a cliche-supposed-to-be-deep-and-beautiful, he takes it
1:54 PM Rachel: is anything beautiful yet? mostly its like.. brown and grey and roads and stickynessi feel like all thes urfaces in his world are sticky
 me: i think i'm just going to post this conversation for my blog posthaha
 Rachel: and everyone is stupid
 me: um. have you gotten to the zoo yet?
 Rachel: ive gotten to the nun thinking about eh zoo and how its wrong bu tshes going to take amy there anyways
 me: oh man1:55 PM yeah...the action is coming slowly but surely
 Rachel: EVERYONE IS SO STUPID.. im like ok awesome your a nun. you do nothing bu treadoh wait.. youre retarded
 me: no she's notyou find out more about her too
 Rachel: der.. why did i lie? derrrr will amy like the zoo? derrrrr
 me: it gets better (not in the gay way)   {Sidenote: See this video if you have no idea what I'm talking about when I say 'it gets better (not in the gay way). Or this video. Or this video. Heck. Google "It Gets Better." Voila!} haha1:56 PM i think/hope that cronin's descriptive ways is just to build layers
 Rachel: layers of dirty scotch tape?
 me: because now knowing what happens with lacey, i can see why he had that whole internal struggle about taking her to the zoohaha
 Rachel: i dont know what happens to laceyomg.. please tell me she is eaten by a rampaging lion
 me: right
 Rachel: trampled by an angry elephant
1:57 PM me: close...hahai'm telling you...it gets better
 Rachel: DOES HER FACE GET EATEN OFF BY A VAMPIRE BAT
 me: HAHAi think you have to wait til at least page 200 for that to happenactuallyless than thatchapter 11haha
 Rachel: i think im on.. chapte 5or 6
 me: not lacey thoughi'm telling you1:58 PM it picks up the pacenot a lot, but enoughand then chapter 10 it picks it up a little morei'm not writing off this book entirely yet
 Rachel: hilarious. im so tolerant of non paced movies. i love me some period british tv. sitting in chairs. staring.. not talking. sighingbut this book is intolerableits like being at teh dmvthis book is like.. if the dmv wrote a vampire noveland if the dmv were an entity that could write
1:59 PM me: hahait gets betterhahayou are in the thick of the dmv right nowbut come chapter 7 or so, you'll be outside, with your renewed license2:00 PM and then chapter 10 you'll be getting into your car when all of a sudden you realize you don't want your car, you must steal another one
 Rachel: lol i hope so
 me: it picks up the pacehaha
 Rachel: and with that.. my lunch is over. back to the workity grind
 me: hahaawesomekeep reading. and if you can get your notes to me by wednesday night, then i'll post before heading to Chi-town!woohoo!
2:01 PM Rachel: no problem. you'll have them.

 me: woohoo!  cya later alligator  

So I don't blame you, any of you, if you don't want to read all that (although it's pretty entertaining so I recommend it), so here is the Cliffsnotes version:

CLIFFSNOTES: The Passage Review by Keough and Parker

I say "So I am already past Chapter 9."

Parker says "Really? Because this sucks so hard I can't help but fall asleep or want to die and I'm only on Chapter 6."

[Insert aside.]

I say "Yeah. I understand. But as a person who has gone ahead a little bit, it gets better." (Insert links to videos relating to the recently started "It Gets Better" phenomenon.)

Parker says "REALLY?! I don't believe you. [Insert comparison to Tolkien's leaf. If you want to know what this is all about then you have to read the real-deal. There are no shortcuts to the good stuff in life.] 

I say "Well, you don't have to believe me, but I'm still hopeful."

Parker says the *QUOTE OF THE CONVERSATION* or "This book is like if the dmv wrote a book about vampires."

I say awesomely brilliant things about how she's right but that she will soon be less right (if only a teensy, tiny bit.)

We end on a draw. Me thinking she is probably right--This books sucks and will continue to suck--and Parker thinking about lunch.

The End.

(Also, as always, for Parker's more formulated comments on Chapters 4-9, please see "The Passage" tab at the top of the page.)

The Passage: The Next Installment

...will be posted tomorrow. Sorry Parker.

Since I am short on time (work and such) and have been in Chicago all weekend, I have neglected my Passage update. I pinky promise that you awaiting readers out there will have your next installment tomorrow.

Until then, a preview of another project I'm working on...

Chicago: A Review

Mark and I have returned from the great windy city and it was AMAZING.

Instead of giving an hour-by-hour playback of our 3-day adventure, I have picked the 5 highlights of the trip (although I'm sure I could list 20). 

1. Our first-night dinner. Mark and I didn't really know where to go our first night, but we knew we wanted to hit up a pub, since we don't really have any here in Carbondale. Thankfully, our hostel had a list of bars/pubs nearby that were worthwhile. We decided on Elephant and Castle, which I was all for because the name reminded me of the time I spent in London (and how can you go wrong with London?!?).
   
   
   
   Needless to say, it was INCREDIBLE. Mark and I both got Fuller's London Porter (mmm Porter) and spinach-artichoke dip to start. Then I had the best Shepherd's pie of my life. Seriously. Unreal.
   
   
   
   
   
   A little drink porn to satisfy the masses.
   
   
2.  After dinner our first night, we went to a blues bar named Buddy Guy's Legends. I have never had the pleasure of going to a blues bar, despite digging blues thoroughly, so I didn't know what to expect. Well, we walk in and there is a cover. I am totally cool with paying covers for a good show so I ask the bouncers who is playing. They respond: Nellie "The Tiger" Travis. For some reason, I assumed this performer was male. I was happily surprised that it was a fierce (sorry for the pun) black woman with a set of pipes and great stage presence!

The stage, the band and Buddy Guy's logo.        

Nellie "The Tiger" Travis. It's a shame I didn't get any pictures of the harmonica players or random dancing audience members. They were also highlights of the performance.      

Mark and I loving life at Buddy Guy's. (This was probably after the middle-aged PDA-fest couple in front of us left...otherwise, our faces would have been filled with digust.)       
  3.    So, Mark and I like food. If you didn't know that before, now you do. So highlight #3 was another restaurant and another meal. After a lot (A LOT) of walking between hostel #1 and hostel #2, we decided we deserved a break and some lunch. Mark and I have a knack for finding good hole-in-the-wall-type pubs or Irish-themed bars and day two of Chicago was no exception. Enter Buddy McGuire's on Division Street. I had an amazing Reuben (rivaled my own mother's) and Mark had his first Chicago-style hot dog.  

  No food/drink porn this time, just happy post-lunch faces.  
4.     Before stopping at Butch McGuire's, Mark and I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art. The museum itself was much smaller than I expected, without much of the permanent collection on display. HOWEVER, the Luc Tuymans show was, without question, one of the best exhibitions I've ever seen. Here are some highlights: 

        5.     On our final day in Chicago, Mark and I went to the Museum of Science and Industry. We mostly went because of the Jim Henson exhibit that is currently up, but also because we heard great things about this museum. Boy, were all the thing we heard true! This place was intense (and slightly overwhelming since it was a rainy Saturday), but it was definitely worthwhile! The Henson exhibition was incredible, but another highlight was the following:

 

TESLA COIL!!!

Well, I wish I had a better final thought, but due to crazy Blogger posting issues my frustration is insurmountable. I shall leave you with a serene picture of Lake Michigan, perhaps my favorite picture of the trip. Now back to reality...

MIA

As of 7:30am tomorrow morning, Mark and I will be on our way, via train, to CHICAGO!!!

That means that for the next couple of days you will have to do without my witty and completely unnecessary blog-posting.

It may seem impossible now, but you will make do.

BIRTHDAY!!!

It's my birthday!!!

Let's relive some of birthday pasts before embarking on the celebration of this day, this year.

Me turning 17. So young. So full of hope. So overexposed.

18. Such a princess, such a skank, such a mean girl.

19. "Grab My ASS 'cuz it's my BIRTHDAY!" Says it all. Oh London.

 Yep. That's me at 20. Clearly I've matured. And developed a love for the peace (or 2) sign that represents my new-found twenty-somethingness.

I began this post with every intention of posting 17-23 but after seeing 17-20, I think I'll spare you the rest. Here's to another great year!

Smelly

As much as I love television and the internet, it has two fundamental flaws (and many other small flaws that I will not be delving into in this particular blog post):

1. TV/Internet cannot capture or convey scents to our sense of smell.

2. TV/Internet cannot capture or convey tastes to our sense of taste.

Now I have a friend, the near and dear K-Rae, who is working on her thesis/dissertation dealing with the very issue of "taste" in art. All other senses (even smell and sound) have been tapped in contemporary artworks--due to the growing interest in and popularity of sound art, installation art, and performance art--but not taste, at least not to its fullest extent.

This is fascinating to me--as is the outrageous number of food-related shows that captivate audiences when we cannot really relate to what is happening on the screen because we cannot taste it. Don't get me wrong, I love food shows (See: Man Vs. Food). Top Chef is a favorite as well. But it irks me that I have to trust these judges and their palettes and it frustrates me that I cannot taste for myself.

So why all this talk of taste and smell?

This is my unbelievable roundabout way of getting to a list of my favorite smells.

Why?

Because I was in my kitchen today and it hit me! Nothing causes a more instant shift in mood and disposition like a particular scent.

Example: The smell of rotten eggs.

Now you may be one of those freaks (I mean that in the nicest way possible) out there that LOVES the smell of rotten eggs, and I say kudos to you! But I think I can speak for the majority when I say that this smell can instantly turn me from a happy camper into a sad camper. 

Example dos (Spanish for 'two'): The smell of coffee grounds.

This morning, in my kitchen, I opened our canister of Starbucks African Sumatra and just smiled and sighed. Mmmmm. Suddenly, I felt ready for the day. I hadn't had a drop of coffee to drink but the smell just made me feel calm, at peace with whatever the day would bring. It got me thinking, what other smells can so easily transport me from my mundane existence to a more pleasant version of living. Here's what I came up with:

Coffee grounds (as stated previously)

Not to be confused with coffee. Whole other smell, trust me.

Bacon

(which I'm not particularly fond of eating--unless I get a serious craving--but LOVE the smell of)

Chocolate Chip Cookies in the oven

Lavender

(yes, I like scents that aren't necessarily created by foods)

Old Spice

(instantly, I feel warmer and cozier when I smell this on Mark, or even strangers, for that matter)

Fresh-cut grass

(Though I'm allergic, I still can't help but take in a deep breath--through my nose before it gets clogged--and say, yes, this is a smell I love)

and last, but not least...

Burning wood, or campfires

(If you do not love this smell, then I just don't know what kind of human you are...)

So, for the sake of research, what are some smells you love? Do you hate some of the ones I've listed? I am very curious to see how scents vary between persons and to see if there are perhaps some universal "happy" smells. I'm secretly hoping there are.

Uf.

So I have been MIA for a couple days and for good reason. Mark's parents, good ole Mark Sr and Dawn, came to visit us here in Illinois! They arrived on Thursday and since then we have been quite busy (no complaints here).

Thursday we went to a pretty good BBQ place in Murphysboro, IL, 17th Street. Due to their exhaustion from the drive, it was a pretty early night (although I did sneak in one karaoke song at a bar called Key West).

Friday, I had the joy of working and Mark the joy of schooling so the Brewins were on their own. They came to visit me for Thai food and loved it so that was good. There was one thing that we all felt we must do while the Brewin elders were in town and, believe it or not, that one thing was to see Jackass 3D. Yep. Awesome. So when I got done with work, that's just what we did. It was everything we hoped it would be and more. Afterward, we had a great dinner at Quatro's (deep-dish pizza) and lots of Coors light at the local favorite, the Cellar. Note to self: always go to places with Buzztime trivia consoles, because the Brewins love it as much as I do. Also, Kings is much more fun with people that have never played it.

Finally, Saturday was the most fun day of all. Why? Because it was spent on Southern Illinois' wine trail. We began at Pomona, which is the one and only apple winery (also, kind of my favorite). Here we are on the deck after our first glass...

After our visit at Pomona, we headed to Mark's favorite: Hickory Ridge. It does, by far, have the best vibe and view so it was great to go there next, and for our lovely lunch/snack time.

I also love Hickory Ridge because it has doggies roaming around at all times. Here is my favorite pup, Bud D...

After splitting a bottle with Miz Dawn, and the Marks having their bottle, we decided to pack up shop and head to the next stop on the trail: Von Jakob Vineyard.

I had only been to these places once before and last time Mark and I traveled the trail we ended the day at Von Jakob. It was lackluster--mostly because I was pretty tipsy by that point and It was the end of the day there so there wasn't much going on besides people closing up. THIS TIME was a whole other story. There was a live band and TONS of people. The highlights for me were definitely watching one particular older man dancing up a storm and dancing to "Stand by Me" with Mark. The man can move...

 Note: The lovely Janelle, MSY, and Brenna (not pictured) are three of Mark's fellow grad students

and they were enjoying the wine trail alongside us (but not "with" us) all day long. It definitely

added to the fun.

After having yet another bottle of wine with Mrs. Brewin, we were ready for dinner. Mark had raved about Hedman's food and, though I was skeptical of Swedish cuisine, he was more than right. Hedman Winery was another winery that I got a weird vibe from the first time I did the trail. This time, I was blown away by the scenery and the outdoor, beer-hall-esque dining area. I also would have never expected the meal I got but it was one of the best I've ever had. Since we were all feeling good (yeah wine) by this point, the camera was not utilized, so here is a generic picture of Hedman:

So yeah, I'm re-exhausted just writing all that out, but it was surely worth the exhaustion. Good times were had by all and it was fantastic to see Mark's folks. I couldn't have asked for a better early birthday present. 

NB: There may be readers out there (though I'm doubtful) that don't realize my birthday is

this upcoming Tuesday. Warning: You'll be hearing a lot more about it. A sad, sickening amount. 

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

Or 4 words...like "Just saved my marriage."

Image demonstrating the many options available when selecting a mattress.

Mark and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Necessary/Desirable bed size is not one of them. Until this moment, we thought our options were queen or king. Thank you Wikipedia for, yet again, providing information in a split second. Information I would have had to search at least an extra 15-20 minutes for, or, possibly (dare I think it) never have found at all.

So thank you Wikipedia. And thank you "Olympic/Expanded Queen" and "California King" creators. You have saved my marriage...and thusly (this moment totally requires a thusly), my life.

PS--Little known fact: Because I thought there was no middle ground between a Queen and a King size mattress, I totally thought I would be the inventor/creator of one. I was going to call it the "Throne Taker" mattress. For those that want to usurp the crown, by any means necessary, for the sake of those who go unspoken for.

The tag would have had a very political, but utopian, statement...followed by the obligatory "DO NOT REMOVE." This is still a monarchy after all...

The Passage--It Begins...

Everyone (yes, all 5 of you), meet Parker:

Okay, so not the greatest picture ever, but I'm unsure of how cool she'd be with me posting the picture of her as Hedwig (for Halloween). I am on the left, she is on the right, that is Rockefeller Plaza, and those are two canes we are wielding. Got it?

On the journey through the 766-page behemoth that is Justin Cronin's The Passage, Parker will be my co-pilot. For you readers out there, she will also be the voice of wisdom, for she is far more knowledgeable about this genre of book. That being said--Parker and I reached one similar conclusion after reading the first 50 pages: This is supposed to be about vampires?

In Chapter 1 we met "the Girl from Nowhere" (aka--Amy Harper Bellafonte), who I'm pretty sure isn't a vampire, but as Parker put it so eloquently: 

So little baby girl moses, she of the humble beginnings and orphaned life is OF COURSE destined for some sort of messianic future. This is standard. Absolutely NEEDED in all stereotypical epic/fantasy tales. But in case you are coming to this genre as a newcomer our dear author has TOLD us in the first lines that this girl will be VERY IMPORTANT. So take special care when reading the story of her poor mother. If you don't kill yourself before you finish the chapter.

(Note: For the sake of clarity, all direct quotes from Miz Parker are or will be tinted blue.) 

So, being that I'm not really a fantasy or sci-fi literature enthusiast, I didn't realize this was a standard or predictable approach. All I thought was that it was really annoying that we get this little, stereotypical vignette about a girl and her single, prostitute mother that we abandon by the very next chapter. Since I have no background in this type of lit, I can't really criticize it based on comparisons to more successful versions--but I can say that the plot line and writing style were easy, at best.

While I was not ready to throw in the towel completely, like Parker, after the first chapter alone, I will admit it was/is taking a lot of effort on my part to get into this book. Parker and I do agree that Chapter 2 was the easier to get into, which may have had to do with its design:

The second chapter totally saved the novel. I LOVE the set up. It reminds me of those old point and click RPGs where you have to find out what has happened and what the mystery is to be solved by finding old letters and newspaper clippings.

Chapter 2 introduced "lear@amedd.army.mil", or Jonas. His plotline is definitely more science-fiction-y than dear old Amy's, but it is still leaving a lot to be desired. For example, WHERE ARE THE VAMPIRES?!?! Parker expressed similar frustration (but with a lot more information on this genre to back up her chutzpah): 

I really hope that there are some ancient alien/animal/human hybrid god people in the amazonian jungle that will come out and eat everyone's faces off. Vampires ARE OUR OVERLORDS! The old one's worshipped them, and they lorded their immortality and healing over us puny humansand then they went into the jungle and we forgot them and NOW THEYRE GOING TO SEND THEIR BAT MINIONS TO EAT OUR FACES OFF. Statues are never portenders of good things in fantasy. never.
 

Chapter 3 was definitely the most interesting for me--which may have something (or a lot) to do with my love for all things Law-and-Order-ish. Chapter 3 brought about Anthony Carter (See: The Green Mile), and Agents Doyle and Wolgast (See: Lennie Briscoe and Rey Curtis, a la Law and Order). The author himself likens this part of the book to the X-Files and he ain't wrong. 

All in all, the book is very difficult to get into. Especially since, I believe, there is no one character that is likable or relatable...yet. I have to post the following excerpt from Parker's Chapter 3 write-up, in its entirety, because it's just satirical brilliance: 

Where the fuck are the vampires?Armageddon? Post-apocolyptic mail delivering gasoline hoarding Tina Turner's HAIR is coming over for drinks later PLOT?! No let's just follow sad, dumb, boring, did I mention SAD whats-his-name as he exploits yet another down on their luck poor person in the name of Anthony Carter. I'm sure he'll be the hero of the novel at this point because he is the most interesting... because he is confused. 9and probably mentally handicapped) No one else is confused... everyone else is an automoton of plot exposition. God I hope this gets better.

What was happening again? Oh.. yea Mr. Sadmcsadpants and his Partner the plucky but naive Mr Doesitwithcollegegirls are in Texas. Texas sucks. We know Texas sucks because it starts a very long and boring story about how Mr. Sadmcsadpants had to move to Texas when he was in middle school (note: middle school sucks no matter what state you're in) and somehow that led him to getting married and then pregnant and then his baby dies a tragic death of.. what I am assuming is disease or something vampirism could have cured, and then his wife leaves him for some clone of him and there are really embarrassing late phonecalls to the ex wife and crying.

 While my reading of this first 50 pages of this book didn't end in an *epic le sigh* or a plea for one of the book's characters to kill me--like Miz Parker's did--I will say it can only get better from here.(**For Parker's full write-up, please see the tab that says The Passage.)

If it doesn't, well then I may be asking for some iced tea and a better introduction into this genre of novel.

Nothing...

I've racked my brain for the last 30 minutes, trying to think of a worthy post topic. I've got nothing of great import or substance. So here has what has crossed my mind in the last 30 minutes (in no particular order):

1. Man, I just at too much Kee Mao (Spicy Crazy noodle). Oh the perks and downfalls of working at a Thai restaurant.

2. Man, I love Mark. What girl has a guy that always kisses her as he passes by and always asks if I need anything before heading somewhere to get something for himself? That would be me. (Let's just say...I love him like Cro-Magnon Jess loved Cro-Magnon Mark.)

3. Man, red wine is pretty amazing. (So is another substance that I came in contact with earlier today...but it's not blog-appropriate.)

4. Man, House is good. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. House is one of the best shows on television and perhaps ever has been on television.

5. Man, coming up with blog post subjects is hard! I even went back to my old LiveJournal, which I am promptly deleting, to try to do a now-and-then post. I just found out that I had nothing to say between 2002-2006 that wasn't complaining or boy-related.

My LiveJournal screenname was HappyPhantom. I googled Happy Phantom. This was on the of the images that came up. Given my proclivity to talk about boys, heartbreak, my issues and all my woe within that journal, this picture seemed fitting.

6. Man, nothing has changed.

Review #2

Signora da Vinci: A Novel

By: Robin Maxwell

 

 I finished Signora da Vinci just twenty-four hours ago and while my heart says give it a 9 out of 10 stars, my brain says 6. Why the conflict? Because my heart is that of a middle-aged woman who is unashamed of her obsession with daytime television, romance, and epic tragedy. My brain belongs to a 23-year-old waitress who has her Master's degree and simply cannot overlook easy word choices and poor writing.  See my dilemma? (Aside: Anyone else think that dilemma would best be spelled 'dilemna'?)

Since Signora da Vinci has not won any book awards and most certainly has not gained the notoriety of  A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, I feel a brief synopsis is necessary. Here goes...

Signora da Vinci is a historical fiction narrative about Leonardo da Vinci's mother, Caterina, and her purported life story. Caterina, being raised by an apothecary/alchemist, is educated beginning at the age of 8 in subjects ranging from religion, philosophy, literature, physics, art, etc. Although a wise young adult, she inevitably falls in love with a wealthy Vinci inhabitant Piero and, after promised his love and matrimony, has sexual relations outside of marriage (SCANDAL!!!) Well, like all good love stories, his family disapproves and, since he is spineless, he moves to Florence and leaves Caterina to raise her forthcoming child on her own. Leonardo is born and OF COURSE Piero's family now wants the child because it's the 1st born son of their family, however illegitimate. As the story unfolds, Caterina's dedication to her son is developed and it lays the groundwork for her motivation throughout her (fictionarlized) life. After discovering Leonardo's artistic talents, Caterina is the one that sets the ball in motion for him to apprentice under Verrocchio in Florence. However, her longing to be near her son is too great and so she decides that, with her education to support her, she could easily disguise herself as a man and work as an apothecary in Florence. After this relocation, Caterina's (now Cato the Apothecary) life truly begins as she is surrounded by music, art and science and befriends the greatest minds of her time, including Lorenzo de' Medici (who also becomes her lover...GREATER SCANDAL). The book describes some of the greatest artworks and artists of the times, but also delves into the political and religious turmoil surrounded Italy in the 15th century. The book concludes with Caterina venturing to India after Leonardo is safely and successfully creating works in Milan.

Phew. That was tough! (Book summarizer I am not.)

So what did I love about this book?

• The Historical References! As a person who obtained her Bachelor's degree in History and her Master's in Art History, this book was right up my academic alley. Reading a novel that name-dropped Medici, Verrocchio, Botticelli, etc. while discussing the historical/religious/political context of 15th century Italy was just amazing. Maxwell's incorporation of some of the most iconic artworks of all time into the narrative was thrilling as well. I mean, what if Botticelli really did reveal the work below as she describes...what if...

 Botticelli, Birth of Venus

• Maxwell's ability to tell such a convincing and interesting story that I was able to suspend my disbelief. I didn't spend the book saying to myself "God, that's impossible!" or "How far-fetched!" I spent my time reading this novel saying "Did that really happen?" What is great about that response is that it fosters my desire to research more and, little known fact, I LOVE learning. So thanks Maxwell for that.

• This book may have been about Leonardo da Vinci, the time period, Italy, Leonardo's mother and many other things, but I think Maxwell's greatest ambition in Signora da Vinci was to discuss the importance of learning, of knowledge, especially among women. I didn't really focus on this particular plot line until the very end. Maxwell cleverly used her epilogue to get to the heart of the matter: that if you are knowledgeable, or you strive to obtain knowledge, regardless of your gender, that you will never be fully without hope or faith. Beautiful, really.

What did I not like about this book?

• You can only suspend disbelief for so long.
• The story was obviously catered toward women, or the highly sympathetic/affectionate types.
• The writing. Just because the story takes place in the 15th century, it does not mean that every 20 sentences or so you suddenly adjust your language and sentence structure. I guess if it was consistent it would have worked, but it wasn't. It broke the narrative on occasion--reminding the reader that this was a modern-day telling of a possibly entirely fictional life.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I read this book fairly quickly so I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants an enjoyable, pleasing read without necessarily wanting to learn any historical information definitively.

Next book, The Passage, to be read in tandem with Ms.DuneManic (AKA- Darth Rachel). Prepare yourselves for not just one, but TWO, point of views!